The Love for Sashiko.

At the end of the year 2013, I had no choice but leaving the family business, Hida Sashiko. I left a brief status report on this blog, and explained as many customers as I could. (Link to → “Status Report.” )

After my father had passed away, the new director in board members denied what my father and I had tried to do; to introduce Sashiko to the world. The new director, who is my grandmother, attempted to eliminate my mother from the company. She only wanted obedient people around her, who just listen to what she says, not someone who actually tries to save this traditional culture.

Well… it is enough complaining about the company I left. It is an old story, and I do not want to talk negative about the company I used to love.

Last 9 months, after I realize that I had to live without Hida Sashiko, I had massive identity crisis. I simply needed to re-define who I was. I believed Sashiko would be my life, not as an artisan who only practice Sashiko but an ambassador who introduce the beauty and the delight of this wonderful culture. When I lost my “place” where I could perform all of those, I also felt that I lost the love for Sashiko. I didn’t want to think about it, nor even hear the word of Sashiko.

I probably hated Sashiko once. I didn’t realize it back then, but I hated it because I couldn’t forget about it. I hated Sashiko so much because I knew I loved it.

When I see the fallen leaves of autumn, it means that a year has gone since my father’s death. It is coming rather soon than I expected. It wasn’t short days until now, very difficult and suffering days, but the day will come.

Before the autumn comes, I admit the love for Sashiko. No matter how environment around me change, I cannot lose the love to Sashiko.

Sashiko was my life.

Now, Sashiko is the important part of my life.

Nothing is ready yet. I do not know how to restart without all the resources I had, created, and invented in Hida Sashiko, on behalf of my family. I don’t have any of those. It is the start from scratch.

But, no matter how long it might take, I will get my identity back, as the important part of my life.