This is a FICTION.

*This is a fiction.

I solidify my fist. A wave of strong emotions such as anger, sadness, hatred and mostly confusion wiped my calmness. Yes, I was furious to the reality. As much as I could not believe what I have heard, I was upset to my father who just decided to go, on the day of my flight back to the U.S.
I didn’t cry. I was so angry that I didn’t even move my facial muscle. When police told us that we could see my father, after so many hours of investigation finding nothing wrong with the reality, I confirmed my solidified fist. Yes. I probably wanted to hit his face so hard although his conscious wasn’t there anymore. He committed suicide at the age of 58. Two days after he told me to be happy, five days after he sent himself to psychiatric hospital, just a day after I told my brother that our father is in need of mental treatment, and on the exact day when I was about to go back to the U.S.

How could he make so much mess even after his death? We were so troubled by his lousiness already. We are so messed up because of what our father did to us. And this is the last thing he could do to us?

Again, Yes. I was just furious. I was furious until… I see a full smile on him, lying on a hospital cot, crossing his fingers as if he became a sort of Buddha.

The story had started when my father was born. His marriage to my mother and having children was the second chapter. The third chapter of this story starts when he faced himself with his children grown up….

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Last Thursday, we respectfully yet peacefully spend a day for my father’s one year anniversary.

It might not mean much for society, but a year mean a lot to me personally. A lot of things happen to me since my father killed himself, and now, it has been a year since I saw his last smile.

I wanted to write more.

I didn’t simply because I wanted to respect my father, and possibly understand more.

The more I know about him, the more I imagine my experience as something bigger, richer, and more beautiful than how it seems. So, here is my challenge to put my perspective into “English Writing.”

This is a fiction.

and I will modify with time goes.

However, this is my life changing, and life time challenge.